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TEHRAN (The Borowitz Report)—Iranian hackers who accessed Donald J. Trump’s computers revealed on Monday that they were unable to obtain even a concept of a plan.
“We spent days searching for a plan, and when we came up empty, we tried looking for a concept of one,” the chief Iranian hacker said. “All we found was bullshit.”
The Iranians also searched for the identity of the Taliban official named “Abdul” mentioned by Trump during the last debate, but to no avail.
“The closest we could find was a reference to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who Trump called ‘overrated,’” the hacker said.
Further frustrating the Iranians, much of the material by Trump was in a language not identifiable as English.